On the outside, you can decide what I am.
On theinside, however, I am only one thing: myself! You judge me by myappearance, you compare me to the perfect image that society has created and Ifall short of your expectations. You call me fat. You call me loud. You call meobnoxious. “Am I perfect? No Kiara, I am not… Nobody is perfect!” I think that ifpeople were to see me for what I am on the inside, they would treat me inversely.The majority would most likely want to stay away because I will be the first toadmit that I am a straightforward person.
On the other hand, I think that mypersonality draws people towards me. I am an outgoing person, although I mayappear shy to some people.I’m a huge surprise to most people. Believe it or not, I do have feelings, I amnot crazy, I have no anger management issues, and I am not a violent person. Ihave a wicked sense of humour, I hide behind sarcasm. Our bodies are our temples. We can break themdown but at the same time we can build them up.
Our bodies are the homes thathouse our souls that keep our actual beauty safe. If you are beautiful on theinside that radiates from the outside it doesn’t matter what you look likebecause everyone is beautiful in their own way. I habitually findmyself so desperate for the approval of others, it takes me hours to decide ifmy outfit of choice will be accepted and even admired by others. Just as drug addicts live a limited life tokeep getting their fix, so I also limit my own existence to get my own constantfix of approval. Just like the drugaddict has a price to pay, I too pay a price, the freedom to truly be myself. Wedon’t realize what is happening in our broken society beauty standards areoverrated, unreachable and unnatural. To me, beauty isn’t even what is on theoutside and it shouldn’t matter to anyone else what you look like.
What makessomeone beautiful is who they are on the inside, who their soul really is, the aurathat they radiate and the feeling you have when you are around them.It may seem strange to say that I have no idea who I am, but I must admit thatit is true. Although I want to experience as much as possible in my life, I amalso terrified of the future because I don’t know what it holds for me. Maybe,all this contradiction is the reason people are often so surprised by thethings that I say and do.
Ironically, though, the character I play in my serieshas taught me a lot about myself, like how much I fear loneliness and how badlyI want to be successful in whatever I decide to do with my life.Maybe one day, if life works out the way I want it to, I will feel secureenough in myself to let down my guard and once again allow what I consider tobe my ‘boring side’ shine through. If that happens, hopefully, I will look intomy mirror one morning and feel like I know and appreciate the whole person whois smiling back at me.