Jiajie I acted as cashier, and finally for

Jiajie Zhong
SBS-220-G
Professor. Mellen30 Sep 2018
Assignment #2 Revise an Email
Part 1:
Incomplete Sentences:
1. In fact, sales at my sandwich shop have increased every quarter that I have been the manager with the exception of just two quarters in the five years I was manager.
Since I became a manager, sales for my sandwich shop have increased every quarter during the last five years with the exception of only two quarters.
2. I have been in the quick service sandwich business for over 10 years in various capacities such as starting, as a dishwasher, then I acted as cashier, and finally for the last eleven years I was the shop manager for a sandwich shop in my hometown.

I have worked in many capacities for quick service sandwich business. Starting as a dishwasher and then cashier, now I shop manager for a sandwich shop since the last eleven years.
Not Concise Sentences:
1. There are many reasons why I am interested in this opportunity, and there are many reasons why I am qualified to be a franchisee for you.

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For many reasons, I am interested and qualified to be a franchise for you.
2. Needless to say, the customer is king, and we need to treat them that way.
Customer is king and we need to treat that way.
Not Natural:
1. In my time as a sandwich shop manager, I was told by the owner of the business and many, many, many people who worked there that I was the right person to lead the shop and that sales were higher at my location than any other shop in that chain (which has 32 shops in my state and the three surrounding states).

During my time as shop manager, the business owner and many other people told me that I am right person to do the job because sales at my shop is higher than all other in chain (having 32 shops in my state and 3 in others).
2. In fact, sales at my sandwich shop have increased every quarter that I have been the manager with the exception of just two quarters in the five years I was manager.
Since I became manager, sales for my sandwich shop have increased every quarter during last five years with the exception of only two quarters.
Faster Navigation/Skim:
1. Bullets can be added
Actual: I have used so many multiple marketing techniques to gain our customers’ attention. Such as, I have created a Facebook group of 1320 friends and a Twitter feed with 925 followers and I send daily specials to the 245 people in those groups.

Revised: I have used multiple marketing techniques to gain customers’ attention such as:
Created Facebook of 1320 friends
Twitter feed 925 with followers
Send daily specials to 245 people in groups
Part 2:
Dear Michelle,
It was a pleasure to meet you at the Food Franchise Expo yesterday. It is with great excitement and enthusiasm that I write this letter to describe my genuine hopes and aspiration to be a franchisee. For many reasons, I am interested and qualified to be a franchise for you.
I have worked in many capacities for quick service sandwich business. Starting as a dishwasher and then cashier, now I shop manager for a sandwich shop since the last eleven years. During my time as shop manager, the business owner and many other people told me that I am right person to do the job because sales at my shop is higher than all other in chain (having 32 shops in my state and 3 in others).Since I became a manager, sales for my sandwich shop have increased every quarter during the last five years with the exception of only two quarters. I am very proactive in my approach to sales and think that my approach of keeping customers happy and coming back to our shop is the key to success at my shop and which I seek to continue as a franchisee.

I have used multiple marketing techniques to gain customers’ attention such as:
Created Facebook of 1320 friends
Twitter feed 925 with followers
Send daily specials to 245 people in groups
Not to mention I send targeted coupons by mail and email that is sent to the customers with specific types of food preferences because I am very customer-centric. There is no substitute for knowing your customers. I also do many great special catering events at seasonal periods and have won Boston Magazine’s annual “best sandwich shop” many times that bring the shop good press. My sandwich shop was even featured in some TV commercials for the sandwich shops across our region. There are not any Subs ‘R Us’ near here and I believe from the bottom of my heart that this is the right time to invest in this area. I know without any doubt that you will be impressed with my work ethic and my focus on the customer. Needless to say, the customer is king, and we need to treat them that way. I am capable of meeting all of the required financial obligations.
Thank you and hope to hear from you soon so we can get on the same page.
Most of all, is I love people, and if you are caring for your customers, you will achieve your goals and reach the pinnacle of success.
Regards,
Henry
TO: Michelle Zhu
FROM: Henry
SUBJECT LINE: Introduce email
Outline
Introduction:
Explain the purpose of this email and express your attitude and thoughts.

Body:
Work experience:
Introduce your work experience and show your strengths.

Advantages:
I made the group in the different social platforms (Facebook, Twitter, etc.).Mention some awards and honorsConclusion?
No ‘R Us’ in my area that is a great chance and right time to open a new store.

Adhere to the concept of ‘ customer is king.’

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